afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
he just made me do "this little piggy" to his toes.
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
If it snows I'm just gonna sit at my house in my costume and drink beer by myself all night.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
You made me brush your teeth last night......for 47 minutes.
Fruitcakes are only good for throwing at neo Nazis.
Randomize
