Sorry, its so late. Remember your fat friend with huge boobs. i need her number..its an emergency
I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
You are writing your college essay comparing yourself to Lady Gaga, Vladimir Putin, and Dale Earnhardt Jr. and you are worried about the conclusion sounding cheesy?
i told him i should keep a toothbrush at his house for after all the times i threw up there. he said yes but i wasnt getting a key to the apt
I can feel his 12 year old sister"s eyes barreling into my soul everytime I'm at there house..some how she knows I'm cheating on her brother or she's mad cause I stole her shirt.
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
The first thing you did was give us a tour of the house and showed us who was "on-limits" and "off-limits"
I would let him fuck me right here in this laundromat. Praise Satan.
Randomize
