Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
It's refreshing to see you in something that is stained with something other than vomit and spilled alcohol.
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
also had sex in his sister's princess style bunk bed.
but you are a princess that one was appropriate.
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
Sorry I punched you in the throat. You got in my way. You understand.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Don't put me in that position. I am not qualified to be the responsible adult here.
Do you remember standing up at 3 in the morning and asking me if I was counting to six?
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize
