yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
Take in how we used all the shot glasses in the bar in less than an hour
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
In other news: I found out that my mom used to fuck my newest fuck buddy's dad when they were in school.
im so hung over everytime my dog barks the sound vibration makes my whole body hurt
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
You invited these random guys into your apartment that you met in the hallway...& then you started screaming at them to get out cause you didn't know who they were.
I just realized I had arrested my one night stand from last night...
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