Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
Literally passed out while tubing... Boating while hammered is a blast but thank God for life jackets
Did my good deed for the day.. Helped an old guy hide his beer on the NJ transit while the ticket lady came by
Let's enter the circle of trust. Are we there yet? Ok. If I somehow hypothetically slept with Amandas ex husband...on a scale of one to ten...how bad is that?
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
Do you know how I hurt my ankle or my shoulder? Or the origin of any of the following mystery bruises: left quad, left wrist, right elbow. Thanks for playing.
I was so high I told him we should rub faces and pretend to be wombats. He was surprisingly enthusiastic about it.
I mean thanks for the bj but i wanna forget everything that happened last night between 11 and 5
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I ate vegetarian today, so I deserve a beer.That's my justification.
It's like you're the voice of my soul.
Dude if I call tonight please answer and just say "NO, dont do it."
BAT SHIT CRAZY
It's you're fault, even though I never called
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
Just showed my drunk fiancé where I got circumcised, she's been crying for twenty minutes.
So on a scale of 1-10 how mad would you be if I sent you a picture from the inside of a strip club
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
