people would bow to what i just did to her vagina
he saw my emergency pass-out-in-the-bathroom-after-drunken-puking cot in the bathroom.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
Friday was tragic. I was naked on top of him and he didn't have a condom. Oh and he had an Obama poster on the wall in front of his bed so our president was staring down at me while I was naked. I felt sorta bad.
You should've just screamed yes we can!
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
Her fortune said that she will soon be free. She's taking her bra off at the table.
You were sending me snapchats from a bathtub with your beer helmet on and your boobs out.
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
You know more about his cock specs than his childhood. Proud of you
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
Randomize
