This ginger kid smells like a queef popsicle
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
She paints her nails the color of the sheets of the last guy she slept with
I will now attempt to shave my public hair into a Christmas tree.
Why do i even want him? It's like his dick is a trophy and I need to put it on my wall of shame.
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
My tuesday consisted of speaking to a federal agent for two hours and watching a roving band of gypsies jump over a fire until 2:30am
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
just for future reference, lake water is NOT mix for hard stuff. nor is it an adequate substitute.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Its weird to introduce me to his wife and kids on the first date, right?
I really just gave up on masterbating because I'm too tired. I really am getting old.
As soon as you told us you were an ostrich with a big penis, we began to wonder what you were on and if you wanted to share.
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
