why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Dude you need to stop whoring out my boobs. They are for emergencies only.
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
You almost make it sound as if getting an education to further your career is more important than beer and tacos.
It's just one of those days where I'm too horny to function, to be perfectly honest.
time out. can we just pause the wholesome understanding friendship thing and be fuck buddies for a night?
we need a secret handshake
Ask me if I'm sitting naked in a lawn chair eating a block of cheese waiting for a bacon grilled cheese sandwich
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
Good for you, kid with a beer in hand as you walk to your 11 am class.
I thought this was a dry campus.
That means you have to bring your own beer from home.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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