And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
And I'm PMSing. So if I'm not crying, I'm masturbating.
you woke me up just to tell me that I was beautiful in every way possible. Then you proceeded to fall asleep with your mouth on my boob.
he just left. I blew him in my kitchen while my parents slept down the hall. Welcome back home!
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
he was too drunk to climb up my loft. i owe my beating teen pregnancy to four pieces of steel
I gotta shower this stuff off me I'm starting to hear baby kittens in the toilet tank again..
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I just want you and your enormous dick to be my fucking rebound so we can move on with our lives
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
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