ugh. my soul tastes like vodka
I just saw a like a 30 person deep walk of shame... it was like the million man march but with dorm chicks
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
We just reached that moment of the night when you start making cookie quesadillas. Party on Wayne
I just told him that with every paper, I'd take a picture of myself with one less piece of clothing. Who say's I can't be a tutor?
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
I'm playing a lilo and stitch drinking game
Aloha alcoholism.
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
At one point she whispered in my ear "I overdrew my bank account today" but besides that it was an awesome lap dance
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
Randomize
