she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
insurance, jail, and birth control were made for people like us.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
Hookup with hot guy from gym, check. Wake up to find he's peed in my closet, double check.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
Just realized how sopa could affect my ability to watch porn, son of a bitch
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
He came in two seconds and stole my pizza so I'm not counting it.
Have you ever hotboxed under your comforter? Best. Decision. Ever.
Is the Glover Park Chipotle past the strip club?
Why is that your only point of reference?
Just answer the question
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
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