I sat a few seats down and one row behind a cute girl at the Cubs game today. Having watched her talk to the guy next to her, I found out only her name and age. I then used that information and pieced it together with over 500 girls on Facebook with the same name. I found the same girl, and we're now fbook friends.
if being a creepy fuck was an olympic sport, they'd think you were using performance enhancing drugs...
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
His blow is so strong I threw up. Buy it. I'm in nursing school I know what I'm talking about.
it's like if youve been living with the grinch for 15 yrs and then santa shows up with a big gift begging to fuck the christmas spirit back into you. no one can say no to santa.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
Did I come home in a police car last night? id come downstairs to ask you but i dont think my legs work anymore
I FUCKED THE WRONG FRIEND HELP ME
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
let your parents know i'm sorry i ran around the house pretending their metal detector was a "booze detector"
Randomize