he was dropping me off and i told him i had to go to the bathroom and i leaned into kiss him and he asked how i went to the bathroom with a tampon up there... he was amazed that their was a third hole...and wanted me to show him where it was
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
the bartender cut u off when u asked him for his screename so u could IM him later
I'm spooning a three legged dog right now. Started drinking whiskey with Breakfast. Best part about being biracial is Irish cousins. Dog Pic Attahed
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
I'm auditing financial statements and ur growing weed this is bullshit how did this happen to me
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Its 8 in the morning and I wouldn't pass a breathalyzer test, How's your day been?
I need you to be best friend brutally honest about whether or not I can go into public like this.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Tonight I totally got eaten out in the old school photo booth in the mall. Will send you pics of the photo reel asap
Randomize
