I think i ate a live goldfish last night. that i caught with my hand in a kiddie pool. my stomach really hurts.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so when we were booking the hotel and plane tickets for vegas we reserved a chapel for someone, it's inevitable.
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
260 beers this month. I need a new hobby.
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
Attention: due to the power outage we will not be playing drinking games and watching the royal wedding. Bring your own bottle and we'll just drink in silence.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Drunk field day, hangover yoga and sober archery practice
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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