At least make sure they are 18
Why
My mom gets in bar fights. She doesn't go to bed early.
It took me 40.8 seconds to take a dump at her house, I know because I timed myself.
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
Tell me you didn't have sex with my dad.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Mom said you looked used
Direct quote from her that tipped me off I was getting some: "I want to jump on his shoulders and wrap my legs around his face"
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
Got robbed by an ATM. My weekend officially sucks.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
Apparently I promised everyone at the party I'd partake in various winter sports with them..
He said a lot of nice things about me, it was really uncalled for.
Randomize
