try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
There is a contact in my phone named "Bar Mcntysu." this is why we need a third person to go out with us.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
Mistake of the day: loudly discussing my gay hookups on the phone at the dmv in upstate NY... this must be what leprosy feels like
I set up her keyboard so that no matter what she does, it will open up RedTube. Click and command Q all you like, its going to porn. No I play the waiting game
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
At one point of the night i was standing at the bar and 3 of them had their hands down my pants, they were like thumb wrestling for it.
What happened last night dude?
YOU SHIT ON MY FUCKING COFFE TABLE THATS WHAT FUCKING HAPPENED!!!
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
color coded lube a great way to organize my bootie calls
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
Turns out my GF and my FWB have a mutual friend. Yada yada yada, I need to crash on your couch
Randomize
