it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
The camp director doesn't care if we drink and i'm running the rifle range. Someone is going to get sued.
I bruised his dick. I bruised his dick WITH MY MOUTH!! I've never felt more accomplished.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
I told her she can't come to our bonfire because she throws up on herself & she has a mustache. And now apparently I'm a bitch or something.
Well you just missed the ten chi o pledges singing la bamba at our doorstep.
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
its so sad we are done celebrating 21st bdays everytime one of us turned 21 everyone else got laid
dude, my hangover is telling me there was tequila involved
I'd help you out but I got Bacardi and Tequila poured down my snorkel last night and I'm still drunk
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I say this out of love and friendship. Eat ice cream not the d.
ED guy's penis finally worked last night. It was a Festivus miracle!
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