Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
i woke up to my roommate spraying cooking spray on my legs. fourth time this has happened. not cool.
Dude I was fucking my girl on the couch and her dog came up and licked my balls. Does that mean we just had a threesome?
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
Went biking. Saw homeless guy beating in the park. Thought of you <3
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I love that my idea of a romantic gesture to you is to send you a picture of my vomit saying "wish you were here". You voluntarily dated me. For six years ish.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
It's fun yes. But hard on the body. I woke up with her purse, socks and one of her shoes in my room. The other shoe was outside. What the fuck were we doing last night?
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
It was a glorious ass. He has amazing hands. I want to fuck him until he can't do math anymore.
Another thing to add to the list of things not to do while I'm drunk......explain to the upstairs neighborr how to have quiet orgasams......she now thinks I want to be part of a threesome......fuck my life
Randomize
