I'm a grown ass woman and I'm sitting in bed eating pizza at 4:30 a.m. BFD, right?
he passed out on the stove with a cup in his hand. yes the pictures are hilarious
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
You grinded and hooked up with a middle aged tiger woods look-a-like with manboobs. Tequila isn't for you.
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
He could stay over, if you'd just ask.
Yeah. What am I supposed to say? "Oh, my couch is occupied, but my vagina's not"
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
I saw an episode of cops that had one of my ex husbands on it.
Is it day drinking when the suns up like when does that start
asking for a friend
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Randomize
