We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
She kept screaming "best case scenario"
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
False alarm I know hes alive because when i tried shaking him awake he pissed his pants and rolled over..
I said:" get your jacket, get your beer and get the fuck out of here"
Firing someone with a rhyme is the new high point in my life.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
Faces of meth called, they want their look back.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
Hey, I think I showed you a picture of my nephew while we were fucking last night. Sorry, I know it's weird, I just really love that kid. Again, sorry.
What's more sad than going to Target to buy Plan B and the new Sam Smith album?
We watched playoff games and fucked so we could both see the TV. I've now found true love.
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I woke up with a pube in my teeth...I'm disturbed cause we're both clean shaven
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