i was shrooming and she was sobbing. i was trying to be sympathetic, but i could see the veins working like worms under her skin. and then her face stripped down to the muscle.
what was she crying about?
i wanna say it was the lack of skin on her face but maybe she lost her job.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
we made a giant pot of alcholic jello. i filled a gallon bag and brought it to dorms. desk guy gave me weird looks, he doesnt realize this is how i will pass all of my room searches
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
I'll be gone when you wake up but you hit a girl so I knocked you out. Never hit a girl. Unless it's with your penis.
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
I got his number because he was "impressed with how much I could handle"...I was chasing shots with Olive Garden breadsticks...
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
It got to the point where I was so drunk, playing rock paper scissors as a drinking game seemed like a good idea.
Listen, I love you but you cannot refer to your dick as the holy sister anymore
Randomize
