What I dont get about To Catch a Predator is who the fuck still uses chat rooms?
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
Too lazy to make dinner. Had chocolate and scotch instead. Check in with me in a half hour.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
you really need to stop getting laid in my dreams more than i do.
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
At the end of the date, he asked if he could kiss me. I really wanted to say "dude, I didn't shave for nothing"
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
She had a tattoo of Luke Bryan on her thigh and she made me waffles. Can I have two fiancees?
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
You're a disaster
Wanna date?
Alcohol and video games. A solid Friday night. Even before covid
Randomize
