I never want a future conversation of ours to include the words "quart of semen" in it
he fucked me so hard my future children felt it
i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
I'm sorry that spending new years with you was fucking my boyfriend in your bathroom multiple times
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
Come over we're drinking with orange soda as a chaser to honor 90s nick kenan and kel.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
Yeah man it sucked balls. People on the bus probably thought I was fucking crazy. I was fetal position, taking up two seats with no shame whilst simultaneously panting.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
Buffalo PD walked in my bedroom this morning at 7 am. Was still blackout drunk, fully dressed, Steak Out wrapper on the floor, parking meter on the floor of the bar room. 'Both of your doors were wide open, wanted to make sure no one was robbing you.' Then I made a pass at her.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
I showered three hours ago and yet feel the need for another one already. This is my day.
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