Just got my rental car in Iowa...gas is under 2 dollars in des moines...this is not a real state
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I would be the drunk girl eating cake on the front steps alone.
this may be my drink champagne alone in a bbaby pool in the dark night
We were making condiment sandwiches, then her husband kept trying to get me to sleep with her. I hate being the only lesbian at the party.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
Well we get the HIV results on my birthday haha. It'll be like happy birthday kid, you have AIDS.
You told me you had two boobs that want to be naked for me. I'm just following up on your request.
No he's great. He's trying to do "sexy stuff" for me now, which is pretty hilarious. He stirred my daiquiri with his penis last night. He also tied a bouquet of flowers around it.
Only my second night back in town and I already have drunk middle aged women doing the robot around me in a circle.
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
God. Spice Girls is now grocery store demographic. Kill me.
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