Goodnight my chunky, little, marshmallow muncher
I know it's VERY late and i know i may have burdened you, but on the chance that it's sat nite- are you up or willing to be? Christinas camping and i'm chillin alone.
im pretty sure one of the guys i was dancing with at graffiti wrote on my back "you rock". now feel like a danced with a 5 year old.
I managed to throw up 90 feet under water, just removed my breathing tube, puked, put it back in. All inclusive is the way to go.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I found what appears to be half an E pill and part of a tooth in my pocket this morning
I blacked out after you got about 8 goldfish out of the tank and put them in your pockets. We're not allowed back. It was a sucky Walmart anyway...
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
If magic marker is safe for kids, it should be safe for cats...right?
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
On a scale from 1-10 how fucked up would it be to buy weed with my fafsa money?
It's a study aid
Drank vodka clubs for 6 hours last night. Holy shit just realized that.
Randomize
