He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
The gay bar tender told me I looked like Prince William. And that I needed my balls licked.
I actually enjoy jerking off to her facebook more than I enjoy actually fucking her. Just something with our generation
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
im actually trying to see how many sex dolls we need for our raft so we can stay buoyant while we attack kayakers
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize