oh jesus shes a lukewarm mess
Well, McDonalds 'escorted' me out after I passed out mid-order
He would stand there for a few seconds with a blank look on his face then randomly start running full sprint towards macdonalds. We'd catch him and he'd promise to stop so we'd let him go and he'd do it again.
You just kept insisting that you and the homeless man went way back, and that you bonded over how cold you both were.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
Make me a sandwich
The day you make me feel like my detachable showerhead does I'll make you a sandwich.
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
best way to lose double chin? blow jobs. I am fucking hurting.
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
I fucked a marine... I told him it was like personal revenge and he said he could live with that and that he didn't mind being used.
JUST BECAUSE I ANSWER THE DOOR NAKED CARRYING A BOTTLE OF RUM DOESN'T MEAN YOU CAN STARE NEIGHBORS.
Randomize
