YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
At first I was a little embarrassed for sharting, but then i realized it was a bachelor party, and I went balls to the wall
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
I just woke up and there was a condom wrapper stuck in my hair. This is my life.
Didn't you sleepover at your grandparents?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
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