if you call bong hits and onion rings a party, then yeah
Don't send the creepy guy a picture of your penis. That's my Christmas wish
Apparently I'm not allowed to call at 3am anymore and ask to speak to all his siblings. I was just trying to get to know the family
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
There are no female cereal mascots. I just realized that in my drunken state... So sexist...
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I'm going to three dry weddings this month. I'm flashing three dry weddings this month
Thanks for coming over. I'm sorry everyone else was vomiting. Thank you for not vomiting. I love you.
My mom said she saw you at the grocery store. Said you looked like you were "headed for a Lindsay Lohan quarter life crisis of sorts"
Oh boy I hope we come out of this alive. And with clean prison records
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
Just used the pen i got in my signing ceremony to pack down my bowl. coach would be proud
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