Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I proposed and she said yes man.
You realize the irony of surrendering on independence day, right?
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
I'm looking at pot farms on google earth. Google should be proud I found a real purpose for it to serve.
he definitely had sex before you were fully potty trained.
Every time I stand up, gravity punches me in the tits. This is horrible.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
After the clumsiest day of my life I think it's safe to say my dream of being a ninja is dead. Memorial service with a glass of wine at 8pm
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I just realized I donated our bong to goodwill.. RIP Kimbo Slice
You suck, She hit so hard.
hooking up with him was much more fun when i knew in the back of mind we'd get in some sort of trouble for it
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
can I cover your dick in cookie butter?
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Randomize
