My favorite part was walking in the bathroom, you fixing yourself in the mirror, calling your reflection a fag, then throwing a haymaker into the paper towel dispenser before going back out to the bar.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
He was puking up tons. He aimed his face inside his coat. Not a drop in my car. Then he thanked me for the ride.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
And I swear to god I'll divorce you if you so much as say a single sentence in Yoda talk in our bedroom. I may be a nerd but that's just fucking creepy
I feel like I'm going to get the reputation of being the girl who brings her dog with her to all her random hookups.
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
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