i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
i wanted to be an indian when i was a child. apparently you cannot grow up to be an indian.
I'm pretty sure I saw a man standing on a table with no shirt on getting sugar thrown at him while "pour some sugar on me" blaring while the cops were in the house.
I need a $60 an hour job, because I have a $50 an hour drinking habit.
I'm kind of concerned that there are now two different videos of me with knives
Hypothetically, if a stripper with braces bites you on the cleavage and it leaves an open wound, do you need a tetanus shot?
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
6 beers and it feels like I've been drinking water... Daiquiri time
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
It's that moment where you find out the girl you've been dating for 6 months is a mob daughter. Post breakup.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
I'm going to fix your towel rack. I broke it while I was dancing on it.
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
I woke up on the damn lawn again...it's not even summer yet
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