guess who just got paired up at the beer pong table with the fat girl who's nipples are hanging out...
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
I walk in and my mom takes one look at me and just says, ".... Consequences"
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
Put down the bong. Turn off Hey Arnold. Stop calling me football head.
I love you football head
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
Sorry for the milk in the bathroom. I was washing mace out of the one security guys eyes
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
Idk what y'all are doing but I just want you to know I'm home and if I hear him say "slap it" one more time I'm moving out
Gave her a puke bucket just in case. She filled the bottom of it with tears. Super sad. Although I am super proud she didn't puke. That was a lot of Fireball.
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Gonna do a few lines then clean my room so I can feel like my life is somewhat in order.
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