Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
she was hot for a redneck and i dont look at teeth
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
Just let me take your liver out and beat it with a meat tenderizer for you..
How's the hangover?
I've been begging my dog to mercy kill me for over an hour. He has this look like he might do it, you know, as my best friend should.
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
Fuck you, I'm yelling at a mountain right now
Randomize
