I have the sudden urge to buy a Snuggie and wear it to the grocery store.
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I woke up to a bag of pies and a lot of questions
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
at least you know where his tattoos end, so it wasn't a complete waste of time.
I remember fighting the chubby dude and the bouncer put me in the full Nelson. Woke up this morning with a dislocated shoulder. We need to finish the rest of this beer though
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
Just had my very first high conversation with mom
And you survived it! I'd say that earns you a "Blaze It Like a Real Adult" from the Grown-up Girl Scouts
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
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