If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
If you're that baked in a class full of people that know you're that baked you tend to offer up a peace offering. Its like the burrito of trust! If eaten you are now obligated to help maintain my grades and keep me from falling out of my chair. $3.75 a morning is worth it for that mafia type protection!
It has become abundantly clear why you give me pixie stix when you're drunk now...
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
You said you'd make me a thank you card for taking care of your drunk ass. I'll be expecting that monday.
Yeah, if you don't like strip clubs you won't like microwave chimichangas.
Still at home. Videotaping hamsters.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
When you licked the fourth stranger's cheek the bar tender pretty much ordered us to get you out.
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
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