I decided that just having that story under my belt and being able to tell it to my grandchildren is worth the regrets of the evening.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
Just looked at my outgoing calls. Seems I had a 7 minute convo with my 10th grade english teacher at 2:56 am Saturday...
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
Only Jon could get an entire commuter train to chant "Ride! Jon! Home!" to get a girl in bed.
multiple people will be seeing my nips tonight. not mad about it at all
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
How much of a thot would I be if I put this pic up? On a scale of thot-ish to Queen of Thotlandia
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
It's a charity event and she's wearing a cocktail dress drinking a 40... I found my future wife
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