it hurts more in the daytime
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
So we stole all of the newspapers out of the stands within a 1 mile radius and filled up her car with crumpled newspaper.
Who leaves their car unlocked at night?
Someone who wants to read the newspaper.
People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
He did a line, told me my hair looked pretty against the background of the clouds, and then we fucked. Good afternoon
Screw it. I'll show up in a white dress with a sign that says " I fucked the groom and it wasn't that great."
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
im pretty sure your bra is in my room hanging on my shark pinata
Ugh why does it have to be margarita Monday. Why can't it be pants off dance off beer pong but with jager Monday.
There was definitely a significant amount of cookie dough in my bra
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
I give all credit to my lucky thong, there's never a time I haven't gotten laid while wearing it
My hangover didn't kick in until like 4pm so I found myself puking in the middle of Times Square. During rush hour. In a three piece suit. A spongebob came by and patted me on the back.
Randomize
