How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
IM INA KID IN KING ATURHTS CUNT!
A Kid In King Arthur's Court? Like the movie?
CUNT. CUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUNT
You'd think with all the porn he watches he'd be a little better at this...
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
you're trying to get a guy who's been in a coma for 2 weeks and who thought he was in '08 yesterday to drive you to the liquor store?
yeah, you wanna come?
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
I need a drink. No, several. I need several drinks. Drunk, I need to be drunk. Definitely need to be drunk
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
The cards I get dealt on tinder now are karma for fucking a married man while I was in high school.
Randomize
