I just saw a hot homeless man
so the car was packed with everything from my dorm, plus my mom. during the 6 hour trip home she found my kama sutra. started flippin through it.....
oh shit that had to have been awkward
i thought so too. until she asked what the check marks were for
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
She kept saying "I didn't do it" but she was so drunk she forgot her pee was orange from her UTI medicine.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
I thought we agreed, no more super glueing action figures to my dick
We were squawking at each other for over an hour like chickens. Literally. Never touching the stuff again and never again showing my face at that Denny's.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
You know it’s going to be a rough day when you scream “Get fucked” at your alarm clock
as a guy is it bad that even my mom called me easy?
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