You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Don't bite the hand that gives you multiple orgasms
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
she came to the game with a camelback filled with booze. except it was only the bag part so she duct taped to her back
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
My family just legit passed around a fifth of Maker's Mark. Also, this is sort of a Thanksgiving tradition. Also, Maker's Mark is really good.
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
All that fucking tequilla made my head feel like it's inside of a body builder's asshole. He's doing squats.
The packers need to win more often, Andrew keeps drunk calling me and confessing his undying love for me in between puking and taking more shots.
okay yeah but you've seen me eat jambalaya naked
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Going through his web history. 10 hours ago he searched "how to put on condom with your teeth" I think I'm getting it tonight.
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