false alarm. still invincible.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I just found three unopened cans of PBR behind our futon that I think I was saving for winter.
I was hidding Easter eggs in CHURCH this morning when one of the older men came up to me and said "I always knew you'd be a bunny just not the Easter kind" ... Our congregation obviously has high hopes for their pastor's daighter
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
I woke up on karas dogs bed. Lets evaluate our lives.
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
i was making a gravity bong in my room and my dad walked in. he helped me finish. i love being home for the holidays.
he’s basically the devil with a fuck boy hair cut and chlamydia
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