Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
u got into a flexing contest with a dude in bathroom in the mirror at the club
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
It's that "make a Pringle and Twinkie sandwich" kind of depression.
...if you're living vicariously thought me, that was a great blow job you just gave in the B&N parking lot.
I want to lick his teeth again. Is that a creepy thing to say?
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
I love you. Go after that dick
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
He took a shit in my shoe. A part of me is livid and a part of me is impressed because that’s some real evil genius.
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