My room smells like vodka and shame
Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
you were licking his little sister's watercolors and trying to paint with your tongue.
if you don't go out with us, what are you gonna do? you're gonna go home and watch biodome and masturbate to texts from your east coast boyfriend and see the facebook pictures from the party when you wake up.
I just filled out my 2010 Census drunkenly. I'm single handedly throwing it off.
Got into the physics lab with my student id, hooked up over break when school was closed. I regret no payments for tuition.
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
I pull out like 90% of the time, but that's just to make art.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
He talked to you for like two seconds while you were shit faced doing Forest Gump impressions...how is that possible?
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
Forget about letting a 70-year-old man suck on my tits for coke... telling my new boyfriend about it was the poor life choice.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
