drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Dude...I'm drunk from Wednesday stilll.
Heated debate on which is worse. Pissing your pants or puking all over yourself
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
Year anniversary in a month. Think I'll just give him a COME ON MY FACE FREE card. I'm both broke and shameless.
As a jewish boy dating her she thinks everypart of christmas is my first time. Helllllo bj under mistletoe!!
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
who sends a dick pic at 3 am on a sunday honestly
seriously. and now it'll take him hours to clean up the glitter
I just smoked weed with my physics professor. Tell me how my life is this.
i just had diarrhea that people from the 1930's would have died from
He took a girl home at like eight, fucked her, kicked her out, came back to the bar, and repeated the process again at 10:30 and 2:30. THREE GIRLS IN ONE NIGHT. ALL PICKUPS. I HATE HIM.
Can we make love to the Space Jam soundtrack?
I planned out my poor life choices for the weekend.
Randomize
