So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
And next time, don't pick a fight with me when you're naked. That's just not fair
at first I thought it was funny, but looking at it now, it screams "dramatic" and "medicated wipes."
The required reading for this week is a paper about birds called great tits. Let's see my TA keep a straight face through this discussion.
I know the scar will be in an obvious place, that's why I'm certain it'll score me cancer blowjobs
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Nice just gets you lonely or dead. I don't like those options.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
NEW HOUSE RULE! If you make it in a chicks cleavage it's 3 cups and bra off.
BP at your house from now on.
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
are you really asking me this. do you KNOW how many times i masturbate in a day? yeah. wrong person to ask about romance.
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
Randomize
