while 90% of the female population goes to worship a fictional character tonight at midnight, I will be taking advantage of having the bars ALL TO MYSELF.
I just wiped my vajayjay with snow. Bad idea.
I wrote and sealed my mom's mothers day card last night while intoxicated.. should i put it in the maibox
without a question
While drunk it seemed like a good idea to barricade my roommate in his room with everything that we could move in our apartment, waking up to him screaming from it collapsing on top of him was just an added bonus.
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
No really tho I'm wearing a chucky cheese shirt and yoga pants. If that doesn't scream no sex idk what does
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I just want to eat and sleep til I'm dead. I should've been born a cat.
To be honest I've become too lazy for the work involved in getting laid.
You run marathons and you're too lazy for sex? Priorities, man.
Touche.
After we finished, she peed a little on my chest and told me she was "marking her territory". I didn't know if I should have been scared or aroused.
There's tequila in my general area. Please pray for me.
I made my uber driver take a pit stop between clubs so we could restock on Xanax. #priorities
I'm actually more excited that I had so much sex this weekend that my ovaries hurt
Uber driver has left leg up on the dash and turn signal on for about a mile, there's Chipotle wrappers on the floor, but she's hot. 5 stars.
Randomize
