So remember when i bet you that girl uses dick to validate her existence?
...yea
She's valid.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
I'm pretty sure he's lost all respect for me. it probably happened somewhere around the time i had officially slept with every single one of his friends..
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
Just been one of those weeks where alcohol out weighs friendship
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
He was just lying in his underwear like a present. I had to unwrap it.
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
ten seconds after he was done making out with the blonde, he rips off his jacket and screamed "Goddamn it, you know I like brunettes"
I have never seen someone so pissed at getting some. i called dibs so fuck him
Ohhh the usual. Laying in bed reflecting on my decisions
Randomize
