I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
while you've been gone this has kinda turned into some sort of fivesome-type thing. just thought i should warn you for when you get back
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
That is was cool to fuck the single mother accross the street until every girl i bring home gets the car keyed.
Stop watching porn on my work computer.
STOP WORKING ON MY PORN COMPUTER.
Life update - currently drunk off my ass in the yoga room of SFO at 5:30 in the morning.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
I'm sorry that running around town like a frenetic wombat trying to find you KY jelly isn't good enough for you.
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
Had sex on the beach last night with a drug dealer. win-win-win situation
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
By the way, you totally deserve "i got a job sex".
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