I am now the proud owner of a 10-12 year old's Optimus Prime costume from Walmart. Tomorrow is going to be a good day.
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
Apparently, Mom was less-than-happy about us shotgunning beers before we opened presents.
If I had that in my pants Omg I would want a shirt made so everyone knew
he says he is going to get you very high and make you leave the country with him
possibly by boat
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
My day in three words: secret purse cake
Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Lets just say my thoughts when getting dressed this morning was "vagina friendly" options
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
I just punched myself in the vagina to prove a point. Please pray for me.
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