I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
sometimes i really wish you were a nugget.
is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
My vagina bone hurts from grinding on that dude so hard.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
I am thankful for thumbs.
Because without thumbs, we would be dolphins.
Land dolphins.
I just puked in my courtyard and dripped toothpaste in my chest hair. You better be getting laid or this drunk is wasted.
my grandpa paid for my boob job but he just doesn't know it.
Tom just texted me he's Tindering from his hospital bed while they're running heart tests on him.
That's dedication to the game.
he called me 'mate' and i had to remind him that you dont call people mate who continously make your dick hard
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
Randomize
