i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
details?
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
I may or may not have screamed I'M ON A BOAT while having sex...on a boat. I think I was born to have sex with him.
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
She told me she was a cowboys fan... I told her it was a waste of a perfect set of tits
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
I didn't mean to leave you there I just didn't know him well enough to throw up in his bathroom.
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
The good thing about having holes in your nose from all the drugs you do is that you can't smell nasty things. Like puke.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Here’s how sick I am. I’m not hungry. I don’t want coffee. And I don’t want dick. So, you know it’s bad.
She complained to dominos last night for hanging up on her, and then she wrote "fuck you dominos" on the receipt when we got our pizza
So we are banned from the campus dominos
Randomize
