Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
i think beer pong is the only time ive ever found a use for geometry
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
I've liked him since I puked on him on my birthday so I want it to be special.
What I'm trying to say is, that time you chained me to my dresser and made me beg for it was incredibly romantic.
So apparently I threw a potted plant at a clown last night and told him to get his life together.
Well, somebody (me) put on reindeer antlers, crawled around on the floor, and meowed at people... So yeah, I'd say it was "one of those nights"
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Are you drunk? You left me a voicemail at 5:59 AM of you making dolphin sounds.
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