Pissed on my Blackberry at the Astros game. Wish me luck explaining that one at work.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
i think im the only person who makes thank you cards for their drug dealer
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
Dad was on the deck drinking straight bourbon. He stopped, puked on his feet, and then continued drinking and talking about compound interest.
Tequila pump. I'm ecstatic your engineering degree has real world application.
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
Please tell me you woke up next to the hot one cause his ugly friend is still snoring in my bed and my favorite panties are ripped.
Wingwoman of the year. I'll buy you dinner tonight and a new thong. It was THAT good.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
The covid immunization shot lady also sold me a mondo bag of really good pot.
Randomize
