I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
Want to come over and play therapist and then fuck all the emotion away?
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
This hickey is now green and covers half my neck. I have an alien hickey. I think he thought my neck was dinner.
I also turned off the Anchorman DVD start menu before cause I didn't want Will Ferrel watching me lose my virginity.
All I remember is folk music and a lot of drugs. I am never going "on an adventure" with you again
I'm going to assume that "the army of generous folk dancers" is no longer a goal you are willing to fulfill
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
Kind of like the new iOS 10 because I can send sexts with fireworks or confetti. Really gets the point across
Someone threw up pink in the shower, there's a golf cart tipped over on the lawn and Cousin Brian is missing. What could Friday night throw at us?
I stopped telling people I'm a pansexual unless they ask first, really tired of explaining what that means.
Randomize
