I literally just watched a girl motorboat herself
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
he was holding his dick in one hand and my boob in the other and i looked down and thought, this is my life
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
also I woke up naked and covered in water but nobody can explain that part.
Is cat milk safe for human consumption?
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
Its honestly only a matter of time before I punch him in the face... I'll try to control myself until you guys break up
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Randomize
