I realized that I've made out with a different boy almost every time we've gone to mcgoreys....I don't need a boyfriend...I have that bar
I had a dream last night that I had to pretend I liked Dave Matthews Band to impress this girl I was talking to.
I guess it was more of a nightmare.
**i WaNt TO sLaP mY niECe wHO ThINks iT iS cUte tO WriTE LiKE tHiS**
he made transformer sounds every time he changed positions. how do you think it went?
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
My facebook horoscope today said I will have a little "confusion". Obviously astrology understands a blackout.
i was quietly enjoying my waffles when he came downstairs naked, kissed me on the forehead, and thanked me for the night before. i didnt even know anyone stayed over.
I hope the doctor doesnt lift up and my shirt and listen to my lungs. I dont want to explain why I have rug burns on my back.
he has decreed that i can sleep with anyone who has the same name as him. line up all the toms
Cut a hole in the crotch of my onesie so we could have sex without me getting cold. Best decision of my life.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Fell asleep with Kristen and woke up with Sarah. It's official, vacation has begun.
i fell out of the car and didnt spill my drink. come overrrr
truly a win in your book
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
Just learned a very valuable life lesson. Never motorboat a cat when they have claws.
Randomize
