uhhh i just had a guy tell me he's seen more jam bands and done more drugs than i could err imagine. what a turn on.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
As a matter of fact you told me i fulfilled your "woodshop teacher fantasy"
I'm lonelier than Tom Hanks in Cast Away, right meow. Ready to make this bong my Wilson.
I honestly don't know if ill make it through the next two hours. The hangover is strong with this one.
I'm 25 and she is 19. She wants to practice blowjobs on me because of my stamina. Not only does the GI bill pay for me to go to school I am teaching a freshman blowjob course. I love Texas.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Anxiously awaiting my period drinking Hershey's syrup from the bottle. Don't judge me
As I was about to go to sleep he asked me if I was ready to 69. HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK AT HIM IN THE FACE OVER DINNER TOMORROW
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
I'm going to talk him into letting me tie him up, and then just leave him that way and go meet you for fro-yo.
How do I tell this guy that if he does not like the condoms at my apartment, he should bring his own without sounding like a sure thing?
Say it's BYOC night at the beach. And, you are a sure thing. Own it.
Been using bowl smoking as a method of time for so long I don't know how long it actually takes to get to work
She demanded to see my stimulus package, I had to go over.
Randomize
