I just got a ticket for shitting on a sand dune.
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
You're breaking my vagina 4 times a day I reserve the right to know your middle name.
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
ride him like a prized pony all the way to orgasm town.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
There are pictures of you on the shoulders of some old guy dressed as borat
Using the salt from a pretzel bag for tequila shots. Come over.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Why does your life consist of lesbians, black guys and cats?
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Randomize
