He had some BAD nuttage
Nuttage?
It's like cleavage......... but different
I've heard semen is good for your skin though, so that pimple on my chin should clear right up.
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
This is the last time I call a hotel to see if you or some random guy paid for the room last night.
About to fuck some random fraternity guy I met at a party. I guess this would be the right time to say I don't want to be with you anymore.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
Some old truck driver just made me smell his beard I hope tonight turns out better
did i send you the picture of me smiling with the magnum wrapper?
Volunteering at a homeless shelter a bum asked if he could lick me cause I still reeked of whiskey. Being a bumsickle=epic hangover
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
Turns out both me and my grandpa have a guilty pleasure for South American men.
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
