Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
so he came on my face and then proceeded to say "that was just how i imagined it would happen"
where do you find these guys?
he made me scream out "#24" while we fucked...no more football players
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
He tried to take a picture of me naked but only got my ass. I don't know his name but if my butt is a guys wallpaper, that's the one I boned.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
BECAUSE THIS IS AMERICA AND DONUTS AND TITTIES AND ALCOHOL IS WHAT THIS COUNTRY WAS FOUNDED ON
I want to wait until after I get laid before I ask him his political affiliation. Just in case. I'm so desperate I would bang a Republican
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
If I get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to celebrate. If I don't get the job, I'm gonna get wasted to forget. Win-Win
My head is bruised from having sex in the backseat of an explorer last night.
Randomize
