I just broke up with Liz. I feel awful so I put two free rentals on her Blockbuster account.
Why do you proceed to call me "Queen La Queefah?"
You ordered 6 boxes of pizza and laughed in the pizza guys face when you didn't pay for any of them.
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
it's ok. he made up for it by standing there and holding my purse while i made out with three guys at the bar. it was a pretty good night.
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
Are you two whores ready for me to turn the light on so you can see what you came home with last night?
I think it would be reallllly cool if you took your best friend to work so she doesnt have to have an awkward cab ride with the driver she drunkenly made out with last night ...
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
I woke up with my wool blanket soaking wet on the dorm room floor, and my sweatshirt hanging on the shower door down the hall. So basically my camp-out-in-the-bathroom idea didn't turn out as planned
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
I had a rough night. I'm just gonna lay here and masturbate for a while before I have to go adult.
I woke up using a beer can as a pillow. successful party?
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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