Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
An eyelash just fell out into my container of rice. Searching for it, i took a single piece of rice out at a time coming to the coclusion that i should not be this high while eating rice.
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
We are not on the "bring me breakfast" level. He's bringing me penis if I ask for breakfast too I'll just sound greedy
Next time he asks to wax your nipple while you're passed out I promise I'll be sober enough to intervene.
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
It's pathetic. My bed hasn't been this sexless since it was in bedmart.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
You shut your whore mouth, we don't talk about Drunk Nutella night.
He went three whole days without making a star wars reference, of course he got sex
Randomize
