Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I should just throw a hundred dollar bill into the wind and walk away... save myself the hangover.
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
No. I still stand by my previous statement that nachos and tequila is the breakfast of champions.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
I asked to see his balls for medical purposes.
PS I almost downloaded grindr to see if any guys wanted to buy me chinese food..
The moral of the story is this:the last shot of the night is always a mistake
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Lets just say the phase, What a dick, has a whole new meaning at the urinals.
Girl behind me in line at CVS was getting impatient then outta nowhere blew up shouting that if she didn't get her plan B soon she might be a mom and that if we couldn't tell she'd be a horrible mom
Randomize
