Need sex. Gaining weight.
if by 'bottleservice' you mean 'bringing beers in my purse' then yes, we are.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
So my birthday was awesome. Only remember 45 min of it but I woke up with a girl on the couch and a half bowl of ground beef
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
How soon is too soon to enter the slutty phase of this breakup?
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
I'm now drinking beer through a straw. By order of the bartender.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
You took photos of my underwear around London the day after! THAT was too soon.
Everyone says I win the strip club
Ripping out my IUD in Dave and busters bathroom
soo... how was my night?
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